Flash Fiction Friday: THE MAN WHO WENT TO WAR AND LOST HIS GUN BUT STILL COULD KILL WITH HIS BAYONET AND TOOK OUT A PLATOON BEFORE GETTING HIS DICK SHOT OFF AND STILL MANAGED TO FIGHT AND KILL AND MAIM UNTIL HE BUILT A ROBOT COCK AND FUCKED HITLER TO DEATH IN HIS BUNKER WHILE EVA BRAUN DIED OF FRIGHT AND THE POOR DOG GOT TO LIVE INSTEAD OF BEING KILLED AND HE TURNED HIS ROBOT COCK INTO A CHAINSAW LIKE ASH IN EVIL DEAD SO HE COULD DESTROY ZOMBIES WHO USED TO BE NAZI SOLDIERS WHO BECAME COMMUNISTS WHEN THEY DIED AND TRIED TO MARCH ON BRITAIN TO CONQUER CHURCHILL AND TURN HIM INTO A BOOZED-UP WEREWOLF BUT THE MAN REKILLED THEM AND WENT TO JAPAN WHERE HE KILLED HIS WAY THROUGH HIROSHIMA AND NAGASAKI AND THE US GOVERNMENT INVENTED ATOMIC BOMBS TO COVER UP THE HORRIBLE MASSACRES AND WHEN HE WON THE WAR HE WENT HOME AND TRIED NOT TO KILL ANYONE WITH HIS CHAINSAW DICK BUT FAILED MISERABLY AND HAD TO SERVE OUT A LIFE SENTENCE BUT HE KILLED EVERYONE IN PRISON SO THEY SENT HIM TO KOREA WHERE HE FOUGHT A T-REX AND BEAT IT TO DEATH WITH HIS BARE HANDS BUT THE COMMIES FROZE HIM IN CARBONITE AND BURIED HIM FOR DECADES UNTIL KIM JONG UN ACCIDENTALLY UNFROZE HIM AND THE MAN KILLED EVERYONE AND WENT HOME TO DISCOVER THE NEW PRESIDENT WAS A TRAITOR SO HE KILLED HIM AND EVERYONE AROUND HIM AND INSTALLED TOM HANKS AS PRESIDENT SO HE COULD RETIRE TO FLORIDA WHERE HE CLEANED THE STATE UP AND FED ALL THE ASSHOLES TO ALLIGATORS AND LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER

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By: John Bruni The end. _____ John Bruni is the author of BLOOD, DONG OF FRANKENSTEIN and POOR BASTARDS AND RICH FUCKS. He lives in Elmhurst, IL, where he spends waaaaaaaay too much time thinking about weird shit for a guy who doesn’t smoke weed.

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How I Weird: Duncan Bradshaw

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Once upon a time, Duncan Bradshaw was your standard teenage boy, but whilst on a school trip to the local science lab museum, he was bitten by a radioactive lateral thinker. There was an explosion and some stomach cramps and a dead uncle but now, with all the powers of […]

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How I Weird: Michael Allen Rose

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Michael Allen Rose appeared to me in a dream last night. Naked? Absolutely! He popped his eyeballs out of his head and suggested we trade but I was like, “but I like my eyes, thanks,” and he proceeded to howl at me with such a punishingly sweet vibrato that I […]

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How I Weird: Gerald Dean Rice

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Gerald Dean Rice is an enigma. Some say he is a demonic creature from another dimension that climbed out of a birthday cake. “Surprise!” he said, before melting the birthday girl, friends, and parents, with his famous exploding striptease. Some say he’s more than that, a dream that thought it […]

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How I Weird: Ben Arzate

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by Luke Kondor You may have seen one of Ben Arzate’s thorough book reviews on CulturedVultures.com and taken him for some kind of… book reviewer. But he’s much, much more than that. This guy is a master reviewer! He reviews his own pants at the end of each night — […]

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Available for Pre-Order: Thong of Thongs

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Thong of Thongs is the lovely Kitty Knish’s debut collection of 69 sexy Jewish stories, showcasing Jewish humor at its finest. Equal parts kosher and dirty, romantic and raunchy fun. Adam, Eve and the trouser snake; streaking at a kibbutz; Freud’s introduction to submission; these are only a few of […]

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Bizarro Summer Reading: Laser House on the Prairie

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Wherein Bizarro Central takes a wide-ranging look at all the weird books coming out this summer… “David W Barbee is a genre of one, much like Joe R. Lansdale, Weston Ochse, and Elmore Leonard. Possessing a strong, unique voice that blends the best elements of bizarro, horror, action, and humor, […]

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Bizarro Summer Reading: Scum of the Earth

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Wherein Bizarro Central takes a wide-ranging look at all the weird books coming out this summer… THEY CAME TO RAID… THEY STAYED TO GET LAID! For centuries, alien drug-runners plundered the Earth, harvesting organs and freebasing fear. Few drugs could match the potency of humanity’s dysfunctional two-stroke brains, so the […]

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Bizarro Summer Reading: Impossible James

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Wherein Bizarro Central takes a wide-ranging look at all the weird books coming out this summer… My father was dying. There was no hope. Then he took a screwdriver to the brain. Got pregnant. And found the cure for death. Impossible? That’s my dad. IMPOSSIBLE JAMES “Danger Slater is fearless […]

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Bizarro Summer Reading: Everybody Lies in Hell

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Wherein Bizarro Central features a wide-ranging look at all the weird books coming out this summe… “In Everybody Lies in Hell Mike Stone’s eternal damnation is a private detective’s office in a re-imagined Brooklyn. In Hell, the beautiful woman with a case opens a literal Pandora’s Box, and Stone is […]

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Bizarro Summer Reading: Cannibal Nuns from Outer Space

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Wherein Bizarro Central features a wide-ranging look at all the weird books coming out this summer… The summer blockbuster book! Probably. With an encyclopaedic knowledge of cake, and exclusive access to the church’s stockpile of holy weapons, the Order of the Crimson Rosary are on the frontline in the eternal […]

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Bizarro Summer Reading: The Drive-Thru Crematorium

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Wherein Bizarro Central features a wide-ranging look at all the weird books coming out this summer… “Bassoff confronts directly the traumatic stress disorder of our world today and tears off its mask, even if the face must follow.” – New York Magazine “Toss Kafka, David Lynch, and a pinch of […]

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Bizarro Summer Reading: One for the Road

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Wherein Bizarro Central features a wide-ranging look at all the weird books coming out this summer… “A road trip through Hell in the spirit of Skipp & Spector’s The Scream and Grady Hendrix’s We Sold Our Souls. I loved it!” –Brian Keene, author of The Rising “A gritty and authentic rampage […]

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Bizarro Summer Reading: The Story of the Y

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Wherein Bizarro Central features a wide-ranging look at all the weird books coming out this summer… “The Story of the Y… is the love child of Carlos Fuentes and Hunter S. Thompson, covered in blood and desert dust, screaming outside a Mexican restaurant. Listen to it.” – Gabino Iglesias, Author of […]

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Bizarro Summer Reading: Dirty Rotten Hippies and Other Stories

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Wherein Bizarro Central takes a wide-ranging look at all the weird books coming out this summer… They’ve come from all over the world for a three-day celebration of peace, music, and groovy vibes. Then a mystery drug sickens thousands and the dead begin to rise in Dirty Rotten Hippies, the […]

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Bizarro Summer Reading: I’m Not Even Supposed to Be Here Today

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Wherein Bizarro Central features a wide-ranging look at all the weird books coming out this summer… “Sometimes you stop by the convenience store for a slushy and the world just goes straight to hell, and takes you along with it. I haven’t had this much fun watching terrible stuff happen in […]

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Bizarro Summer Reading: Unamerica

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Wherein Bizarro Central features a wide-ranging look at all the weird books coming out this summer… “Cody Goodfellow knows how to chill your blood. . .” —STEPHEN KING, author of It and The Dark Half #thisisunamerica NEVER WORK, NEVER DIE Buried half a mile beneath the desert sands of the US-Mexico border, exists […]

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Bizarro Summer Reading: Lakehouse Infernal

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Wherein Bizarro Central features a wide-ranging look at all the weird books coming out this summer… “Lakehouse Infernal is the coolest, ball-bustingest, most outrageous, and most ENTERTAINING horror novel you’re likely to find in a long time.” – Edward Lee author of City Infernal Lake Misquamicus was an unremarkable lake in […]

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Bizarro Summer Reading: Mouse Trap

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Wherein Bizarro Central features a wide-ranging look at all the weird books coming out this summer… For almost 20 years, Carlton Mellick III has been writing some of the strangest and most compelling novels the bizarro fiction genre has to offer. Described as one of the top 40 science-fiction writers […]

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Last Chance Books: Eraserhead Press

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According to a release on the Eraserhead Press website, the following books are going out of print. Be sure to pick up your copy before these paperback editions sell out! The Mondo Vixen Massacre by Jamie GrefeElephant Vice by Chris MeekingsRainbows Suck by Madeleine SwannHer Fingers by Tamara RomeroCarnageland by […]

Flash Fiction Friday: Six Days and Endless Nights

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by: S.E. Casey It was during the limbo contest that I knew something was horribly wrong. I wasn’t being ageist in noting the winner was a sixty year old man. As the captain of the cruise ship, he certainly had a lifetime of practice. But when the bar was lowered […]

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Flash Fiction Friday: In My Younger and More Vulnerable Years, My Father Used to Take Me to the Strip Club and Make Me Hold Down Drunks While He Rolled Them for Empty TUMS Travel Containers and Raspberry Fruit Roll-Ups

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by: David S. Atkinson I spent the better part of the afternoon packaging up my excreta in cardboard boxes and clear packing tape again. It’s time consuming, but there isn’t a whole lot of choice. Given my particular situation, I have to dispose of it through the mail. A piece […]

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Flash Fiction Friday: Iceberg

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by: JP Vallières We couldn’t get the iceberg to melt no matter how hard we tried: blow torch, bonfire, hairdryer, rubbing our butts back and forth to the song, That’s the Way (I Like It). I’m not into melting things usually, but there were some important items encased in that […]

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Flash Fiction Friday: The Drone Infant

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by: Zoltán Komor My wife wants a baby, but I’d prefer a remote control drone with HD Wi-Fi camera, so I figure out an intermediate solution: I’ll knock up my wife, let her give birth to the child, and after a couple of weeks, when she gets bored with this […]

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Flash Fiction Friday: Y2K

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by: Sean Noah Noah Y2K came and went and pretty much everyone could agree that the world had ended, but nobody could figure out exactly how. Just days before, everything had seemed so certain: all the computers wouldn’t be able to change the dates correctly and they’d break down and […]

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Wonderland Book Awards – Final Ballot 2018

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Preliminary voting has ended and the final ballot has been determined. Here are the nominations for this year’s Wonderland Book Awards: BEST NOVEL The Unyielding by Gary J. Shipley In the River by Jeremy Robert Johnson Itzá by Rios de la Luz The Big Meat by Carlton Mellick III Sip […]

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Wonderland Book Award Preliminary Voting Begins Now

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The Wonderland Book Awards are a recognition presented annually at BizarroCon for superior achievement in bizarro fiction writing. Voting for the Wonderland Book Award preliminary ballot begins now for the Best Bizarro Novel and Best Bizarro Collection of 2017. Please send your 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place votes in the […]