The cult section of the literary world
by: S.E. Casey It was during the limbo contest that I knew something was horribly wrong. I wasn’t being ageist in noting the winner was a sixty year old man. As the captain of the cruise ship, he certainly had a lifetime of practice. But when the bar was lowered […]
by Alex S. Johnson Durwood peered down, his toes itching, the rash spreading across his choirboy features like the trail of a strawberry torch. He gasped. Grandpa was in the sidewalk once again. How did he get there? What perfidious psychopaths had made him stand still for the bucket, the […]
by Chris Meekings The curtain opens. The fairies in the audience rustle restless in their seats. They eat sticks of marzipan, noisily. Lights up. Enter an announcer. He’s dressed in a full black suit. His hair is immaculate and plastered down to his skull with soup. “Ladies and gentlemen,” he […]
by Eric LaRocca The soles of his custom-made patent leather Oxfords click anxiously on the tiled floor of the doctor’s exam room. Jonathan McCoy can scarcely contain his delight. His hand rests on his wife’s thigh as he sits beside her, rubbing her leg, his fingers occasionally harassing the hem […]
by Frank J. Edler To dream that you are inflating something represents intellect, awareness, knowledge and a higher power. Alternatively, it may symbolize your inflated ego or inflated sense of self. The yogi cradled my lifeless vessel in his arms. He was gentle and caring like a guardian; tender and […]
by John Wayne Comunale I lost my keys after I slept in a bed cursed by an Inuit witch doctor and woke up with what looked like giant snow-crabs dangling from my balls. I figured the reason I got snow-crabs was because my dazzlingly white pubes sparkled like the light […]
by Shawn Milazzo In public, we wear masks. I’m walking the dense roads of society. The world around me only becomes more populated. They removed our faces, our personalities. It is unknown to us who they are. All we know is they came to our planet, many years ago. They came from […]
by Nicholaus Patnaude Lorna clicked on the link in the anonymous email directing her to Juglicious.com and fought back the urge to vomit – Gerald had promised never to show the photos to anyone, unless their exposure would help give clues to the whereabouts of her missing daughter, Hannah. Somebody […]
by John Wayne Comunale “Your suffering will be legendary . . . if you eat this and happen to be lactose intolerant.” The child, not more than four years old, stared up blank-faced at the former Cenobite as he added the third and final scoop of fudge-ripple to a large […]
by G. Arthur Brown ACT I (An average family American 1960 sits at an average family table for an average dinner. Eugene Ionesco is not among them. FATHER sits at one side of the table dressed like an American father 1960. MOTHER sits at another side of the table dressed […]
by Pedro Proença There is a problem with language. In itself, it’s just a way of communicating uselessness. What we are are mere specks of something on a big beach. The beach is connected to a desert, and beyond that, we can’t even imagine. Once I swallowed a car. It […]
by Scott Unfried Garda Ruth O’Gruagain, stood reticent and radiant, at the edge of a cliff overlooking the calm waters. She was not an ordinary officer, her skin clearer than most, her eyebrows more pleasingly plucked, her brown hair shinier, and brown eyes that made a beautifully beefy gaze. Those […]
by Cade Michael Quinn Chucky was a dragon. A big, scary dragon. That’s what Momma told him. “Am I big ‘n’ scary?” Chuck asked Momma. He stretched his wings and dug his claws into the wood-panel floor and growled as big as he could. “Am I big ‘n’ scary, Momma?” […]
by Brian Auspice I argue with a stranger about something insane. I walk away. I drive to a pet shop. I go inside. It smells like a pet shop. All sorts of exotic-looking fish swim in tanks of deep blue, except for one, which has gone belly-up from lack of […]
by John Wayne Comunale You know that old Elvis song, Guitar Man? I guess if I had to blame this all on something, anything; I would blame it on that. The moment after I heard that song I knew what I was supposed to do. It was like a blueprint […]
by Bradley Sands a deleted scene from Dodgeball High, available ONLY on the Belgian import PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE I go in, and Burt Reynolds says, “Hey, there, little fella. Ha ha ha ha!” This is so not fair! Why isn’t Principal Tug in his office? Principal offices are for principals, not guys who […]
by Julia Long I filled my face with life, like, all day. Cool. I get home from school and see my roommate in the bathroom wiping something down. I fill my face with life when she sees me back. She fills her face with life and there is some shared […]
by Cornell R. Nichols I’m not quite sure how it happened but, at the age of thirty, I found myself stuck in a dead-end job, with virtually no prospects for my dead-end life. I guess my ideas were to blame. I have foolishly dared to dream of becoming a journalist, […]
by Craig A. Buckley The good Rev. Johnny Elwood loosened his tie. His black Sunday jacket lay draped over the chair behind his desk. His wife would have been in a tizzy if she’d seen it. That’s what hangers were invented for, Johnny, she’d say, to keep out the wrinkles. […]
by Brian Auspice Hamstring lies in a hospital bed. Tubes feed out of his right arm into a large 1970’s mainframe computer. He watches his blood slowly get sucked through the plastic. The computer beeps. A nurse walks in. She places a stereo on a nearby table. “The doctor will […]
by Jeremy Maddux It was about midday when all the commotion started out on Brightway Boulevard. A man in pinstripe business attire was coming back from lunch with the routine sugar buzz of his franchised coffee kicking in when he noticed something on the ground. He went to his knees […]
That’s right. No FFF this week. We here at Bizarro Central are in dire need of content! If you have a bizarro story, 2000 words or less, attach it as a .doc or .rtf and send it to garthurbrown@hotmail.com. Please include a brief, single paragraph bio. Here’s a fun gif:
by Harbor Rungwarty The vet’s waiting room was carpeted in a color that would hide poop and vomit stains easily. It clashed noticeably with my shoes, but I did not let this disturb me. Chim-cham, my faithful Senegalese, had been off his feed for nearly a week. I was getting […]
by Bob Freville They’re spilling out on to the rickety termite-ridden runway. Woo daddy! We can see them lumbering out now! Oh yes! Those adorable little gals! Our bright shining stars of the tomorrows that may never come! Yep, ladies and gentlemen! They’re a sight for sore, empty eye sockets […]
by Justin Grimbol Gwen saw two beached whales and became so excited she started jumping up and down. “Mom? Dad?” she called out to them. The whales looked at her. “You’ve come back for me!” she yelled. She ran up to them. She tried to hug them but they were […]
by Chris Kelso 233, I take time over the stress of every word. Do you like to write? You like to read though…right? To be an artist is to suffer. The deliria can be rather disorientating, so I decide to connect the rooms in my house with lines of taut […]
by Gabino Iglesias Tom felt the drunken man’s calloused hands tighten around his skull. His fingers were so long they almost wrapped around his head twice. The man moaned so loud it made the grimy floor under Tom’s knees shake like a coked-up Chihuahua in a freezer. “Keep it down, […]
by Edmund Colell I love your mouth. The firm scrub of your teeth against me. Your tongue slobbers gobs of glee. I love your… something… south? Fuck it, I don’t know poetry. Maybe you don’t expect sweet and clever things from a wad of gum. For all the years we […]
by Madeleine Swann I can hear Simon breathing behind me. His black body is as comforting as it always is and his shadow joins the others in the dark early morning room, a contrast to my pale flesh and long blonde hair. His warmth reaches me from his side of […]
by Crystal Babb “A carrot with hair,” he groused and finished his beer. He set the beer stein on the counter harder than he meant to, but the thick glass did not complain. Neither did the carrot, which he regarded with narrowed eyes. “It’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever […]
by Granary Rubworth There wasn’t anything Clement could say with his mouth sewn shut. He lay there naked on his belly atop the carpenter’s table at the bottom of the hole. The smell of freshly broken earth all around him, he wished his eyes had also been sewn shut. Maynard […]
by Garrett Cook I. “Won’t you come home, Bill Bailey, won’t you come home?” she screamed the whole night long. But that was not the name of the treacherous object. The name was raincoat slick, slippery as a womb, harder to grasp than grief. And it was off. The name […]
by Scott Cole The crashed car undid itself. Twisted metal unfolded, jagged edges smoothed, bent lines straightened. Patches of rust effervesced into the air and disappeared. I reached for the driver’s side door handle, now shiny-new, and pulled. I sank down into the bucket seat, which seemed to somehow sit […]
by Bill Berry OPENING Three artists: a poet, a singer, and a painter. They each moved to a village. In the village, the singer sang songs. In the village, the painter painted. In the village, the poet was poetic. One day, the poet spoke: I hate writing about these things. […]
by Grant Harrow Ruby Tuesday, Edison’s arm was looking like it might heal but it wouldn’t be an easy convalescence: there was no skin or flesh left on the limb. He concentrated as hard as he could, even making a face like he was constipated, but it was no use. […]
