by Matthew Vaughn
Kevin was driving down the expressway in his grey Dodge Grand Caravan. When he looked over to the van next to him he saw himself driving it. He had just come off of the ramp for Interstate 64 onto 264 West when he saw the Dodge van that looked a lot like his. There were plenty of Grand Caravans out there so it wasn’t unusual to see another one similar to his. What struck him as funny at first was that this other minivan had a dent on the back, right next to the license plate, exactly like the one on the back of his van. Again it was probably just coincidence and Kevin didn’t pay much mind to it. But then as he went to go around this seemingly identical van he looked over to see who was driving it and was amazed to see that it was him. The Kevin in the other grey Dodge Grand Caravan looked over at him and smiled and waved. Kevin was a little surprised but being a polite guy he smiled and waved back.
He pulled over into the right lane to get off on the next exit which was 18B, Breckenridge Lane. His plan was to swing by Books-A-Million before he went home. As he rode onto the off ramp he looked up into his rear view mirror and saw that the other Kevin was following him. He continued on to the Books-A-Million parking lot, driving past the McDonald’s, and found a nice spot close to the front. The other Kevin parked next to him and got out of his van and they walked into the store together.
Inside the Books-A-Million Kevin and Kevin were both surprised to see that Kevin was already in there sitting at a table in the little cafe area. On the table in front of him was a Styrofoam coffee cup less than half full and a napkin with crumbs from the Danish he had eaten. He looked up and saw the two Kevin’s walk in and then smiled and waved at them. The two Kevin’s smiled and waved back. The Kevin sitting at the table finished his coffee and stood up. He walked over to the other two Kevin’s and the three of them went walking through the book racks. The three Kevin’s came to the literary section and turned down the aisle. They were all three surprised to see Kevin standing there holding a book. The book the Kevin in the literary section was holding was I didn’t mean to be Kevin by Caleb J Ross. It just so happened to be the book that Kevin had come to Books-A-Million to buy. Kevin figured there was no reason to buy it now since he was already buying it. Kevin with the book looked up and seen them, he smiled and waved. The other three Kevin’s also smiled and waved. Together the four walked around the bookstore before heading up front to the cash register. None of the other Kevin’s got anything so Kevin paid for the book from a large man that never looked up from his cheeseburger during the transaction.
All four Kevin’s left the bookstore and got into Kevin’s van. He drove them all across the parking lot to McDonald’s. Inside McDonald’s Kevin was already there, standing at the counter about to place an order. When all four Kevin’s walked inside the Kevin that was already in McDonald’s saw them, he smiled and waved. The four Kevin’s that just walked in also smiled and waved as they walked to meet him at the counter. The five Kevin’s all ordered the same thing, Big Macs, large fries, and a large coke. They waited patiently for their food. Once their numbers were called they picked up their trays and looked for a table. They found a little booth and all sat down. Three of the Kevin’s had to squish really close together on one side but nobody complained.
After the five Kevin’s we’re finished at McDonald’s they went out and got into Kevin’s van. He drove them back down Breckenridge Lane and back onto 264 west. They drove for about ten minutes to exit 8A, the Fort Knox exit. Taking that exit put them onto Dixie Highway heading east. Along the way Kevin thought it might be nice to get a movie to watch tonight so he pulled into the Kroger parking lot to hit up the red box. Kevin pulled his grey Dodge Grand Caravan up into the fire lane right there by the Redbox and saw this really hot chick looking at the movies. All five Kevin’s got out of the van and walked over to the machine. As Kevin got closer to that girl he could see that even though she had a smoking hot body she was pretty ugly.
“Dang girl,” Kevin said to her. “You are dog ugly but you’re built for sin.” She turned and looked at him then punched him in the face.
“If you want to hit this you better be ready to screw me like you’re mad at me,” she said. Kevin turned to the other four Kevin’s and waved to them. He turned back and grabbed the girl’s hand. They got inside his grey Dodge Grand Caravan and drove away. The other four Kevin’s looked at each other and shrugged. They split up and walked away, all going in different directions.
When Matthew Vaughn is not working with robots and building equipment he enjoys writing bizarre stories and reviewing Bizarro and Horror books. Matthew’s stories can be found online at Linguistic Erosion and The Mustache Factor, also in a couple of upcoming anthologies. You can follow his ramblings on Twitter @ https://twitter.com/edkemper or at his site http://mcvaughn.wordpress.com/